Below is the latest paragraph from a Room 1 writing book this week. You can see the effort that is going to to include features from our success criteria (Sentence variety; Precise nouns, verbs, and adjectives; onomatopoeia, similies) :
‘hey Jayden come this out” I called (Jaydens my younger brother)
“cool” he said the wolf spider lugged its fat hairy body under a leaf. Screeeeeechh thud . “What was that?” I asked. We ran over to the roadside laying there a limp grey cat body in a puddle of warm blood “Smoky” Jayden criyed out. As the day ticked on we burried our cat and kind of just carried on. When night fell things got really creepy. A deathly screeech pierced the night. I sat up in my bed a cold sweat ran down my forehead my eyes flicking around the room.
“Just a dream just a dream” I convinced myself that it was just a dream. I lay back down. Shut my eyes. A hollow meow echoed through the house.
“Probably a stray” I whispered in an unsteady voice. In the morning me and my brothers were making mud castles. and hurling stones into the sloppy mess. “Wait wasnt this where we buried Smokey?” I murrmed.
“Yep” Jayden studded in an unsteadily it was like I got stabbed in the cheast “Then where is she?” I managed to spit out. my heart beating rapidly my eyes close as I - pass out
Writing correctly punctuated sentences was identified as the biggest weakness for this piece of writing.
This is typical of Room 1 writing at the moment. We are putting a lot of effort into ensuring our writing is correctly punctuated as well as included the expected features of Year 6-8 writing.
